I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
