So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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