U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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