You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
