I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
