Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
