weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
