new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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