I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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