Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
