Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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