well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
