You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
