My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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