I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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