So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
