Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
