yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
