I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
