Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You're like the curious george of whores
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
