You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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