We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
