its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
