The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
