dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
