Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
