After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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