I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
