Only a mothe r could love this liver
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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