Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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