Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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