I want to stick my p in your. b.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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