Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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