And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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