Already got asked if we're dating
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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