At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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