I can't watch pbs sober anymore
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
