I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
