How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
