she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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