They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
