I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
