Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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