i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
