Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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