Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
