I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
