porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
