My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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