ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
