her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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